Do You Know Your Apples And Pears? The Hilarious UK Slang Quiz

About This Quiz

Americans speak English, but do they really know what the British are talking about? The English language is a strange mistress - straightforward in one breath, then totally tangential in the next. Anyone who has ever visited London, England, might need a translator, because they speak in a dialect, all of their own. This fun quiz will test your knowledge of Cockney rhyming slang, Northern frankness, and Scottish lyricism. If you didn't know that "the apples and pears" are the stairs, then you're not gonna Adam and Eves how cack you're gonna be at this one, soft lad. Answer the dog and bone for me, would you, luv? Get it wrong and you're gonna look a right narna. Keep 'em peeled and keep it shtum, you're about to delve into the deepest darkness depths of dialect. Ready?

Quiz by Mike Heath Issue with this quiz?

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If you're described as "dressed up like a dog's dinner", what are they saying?

You like a total sight.

You look good enough to eat.

You've had the style consultants in.

You're ready to go out for a meal.

SCROLL TO NEXT QUESTION

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If someone called you a "corker," what would they mean?

They're saying you like a glass of wine or six.

They think you're super-intelligent.

They think you're quite the looker.

They want you to stop drinking.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

You got a good grade in your end-of-term paper. You're proper chuffed. What are you?

You're super-happy.

You're surprised.

You're totally pissed.

You think you could have done better.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If you're "skiving off," what are you doing?

You're skipping class.

You're jumping out of a plane.

You're expressing dissatisfaction about something.

You're cheating.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

You're out on the lash with your mates. What on earth are you doing and who are you with?

Singing songs with some family members

On a big drinking session with your best friends

Dancing with a group of strangers

Listening to thrash metal with a bunch of students

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"Is it OK if I just kip on your sofa?" Erm - what do you want?

Urinate on it.

Chill out

Eat a pizza with you

Sleep overnight

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"Can you lend us a quid?" I'm not sure. What is it?

An item of clothing

A delicious treat

A sea creature

A unit of British currency

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"Are you having a laugh?" What does someone mean if they say this to you?

They mean you're taking the piss.

They think you're super-fun.

They're yelling at you.

They're having a laugh with you.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

You're experiencing a bit of "argy-bargy." What's happening?

You're having a conversation.

You're arguing.

You're engaging in sexual comings and goings.

You're drunk.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"That shelf's wonky." OK - is that a compliment?

It's not straight.

It's going to explode.

It's brilliantly fixed.

It's not necessary.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What type of activity are you engaging in if you're snogging.

You're kissing passionately

You're stealing something from a shop

You're fighting

You're cheating.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If someone tells you that you're "talking rubbish, mate," what do they mean?

That's your telling them some excellent news.

That whatever you're saying is interesting.

That you're spouting nonsense.

That you're trying to flirt with them.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What on earth is a "gogglebox?"

A computer

Your television

It's a search engine window.

It's the box in which you store your spectacles.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

How are you feeling if you're "knackered."

You're feeling sick.

You're upset.

You're exhausted.

You're feeling upbeat.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If a middle class mother boasts that her child has gone to "uni," where have they gone?

Gone to purchase a uniform

They've died (gone back to the universe)

They're playing a sport.

They've gone to university.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"You nicked that, didn't you?" they asked. How lovely. What does that mean, then?

They're suggesting you stole it.

They're suggesting you've made a dent in it.

They're suggested you used it without asking.

They're suggesting you've borrowed something.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What is someone giving you if they're giving you "dosh?"

They're giving you money.

They're passing on some bad news.

They're trying to convince you with codswallop.

They've just hit you.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

You're "earwigging." What are you doing?

You're listening in on someone's conversation.

You're disrupting somebody's trail of thought.

You're wearing a wig that covers your ears.

You're asking for money.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

Someone called me a "nutter". Was that good?

Yes. They think you're a diamond geezer.

Yes. They think you're very generous.

Yes. They think you're super-intelligent.

No. They think you're not to be trusted.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

Your brother is talking a load of old "codswallop." What is he talking?

He's providing important information you must listen to.

He's bad-mouthing a fish.

He's talking utter nonsense.

He's asking for fish and chips.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If you're "skint," what's happening?

You're running away.

You're in luck.

You have no money.

You're doing a dance.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If you "know your onions," what do you know?

You know your subject.

You're super-talented.

You can recognise any variety of onion.

You're an interesting person.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If someone is "all mouth and no trousers," what are they?

They talk the talk, but can't walk the walk.

They're a few shillings short of a pound.

They're wearing no trousers and haven't noticed.

They're missing the point.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If something is "naff", what is it?

It's an automobile

It's expensive

It's someone acting stoopid.

It's awful.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

You "give a toss." What does that mean?

It means you care.

It's a move in snooker.

You're staying out late.

You're joking about.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

Someone's offered you "plonk". What is it, and should you accept it?

It's cheapo wine. It's not gonna kill you.

It's unhealthy food. It might kill you (eventually).

They're offering something that should only be presented behind closed doors.

It's meat that has been well-cooked.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What would you buy at an "off-licence"?

Bread

Meat

Liquor

Cheese

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What is a "numpty?"

It's a fat person.

It's a stupid person.

It's a slow person.

It's someone who causes arguments.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If you've "lost the plot," what - exactly - have you done?

You're late. You're late. For a very important date.

You're super-bored.

You've gone a bit cray cray.

You've failed to complete a book.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

"You're well dodgy, mate." What are they saying?

You're of questionable character.

You're a brilliant geezer.

You're reliable.

You've fallen off the ugly tree and hit each branch on the way down.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What the heck are "bits and bobs" exactly?

A random collection of things

Important information

Kitchen utensils

Gardening equipment

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

My English friend said that they're "cheesed off". What the hell does that mean?

They've eaten too much cheese.

They're feeling sick.

They're off their dairy products altogether.

They're fed up.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

What might you be experiencing if you've got the "collywobbles?"

Euphoria

Nervousness

Hunger

Anger

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

It's "gone Pete Tong." What's happened.

Something has gone badly.

It's a brilliant EDM record.

It's a song.

It's really boring.

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

If you're having a "chinwag," what the heck are you doing?

Enjoying a chat

Making out

Dancing to rock music

Disagreeing

SEE RESULTS

Hint:

Did you look in the mirror before you left the house?

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Mike Heath

Mike has an MA in Creative Writing and is a full-time copywriter, yoga teacher, and playwright. His copywriting has taken him to dizzy heights: writing in every conceivable niche from facts about carpet slippers to portents about artificial intelligence and how to overcome plantar fasciitis (look it up) to fabulous home decor. Mike is a UK-based playwright whose work has been performed all around the world (as long as you count the UK and Western Australia). His work is available on Amazon, and you can listen to his podcast where he talks about playwriting with his sarcastic co-presenter. He runs the WriteForTheStage courses and you can follow him on @Write4TheStage (Twitter) and @_mike_heath_ on Instagram.

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Do You Know Your Apples And Pears? The Hilarious UK Slang Quiz

About This Quiz

If you're described as "dressed up like a dog's dinner", what are they saying?

If someone called you a "corker," what would they mean?

You got a good grade in your end-of-term paper. You're proper chuffed. What are you?

If you're "skiving off," what are you doing?

You're out on the lash with your mates. What on earth are you doing and who are you with?

"Is it OK if I just kip on your sofa?" Erm - what do you want?

"Can you lend us a quid?" I'm not sure. What is it?

"Are you having a laugh?" What does someone mean if they say this to you?

You're experiencing a bit of "argy-bargy." What's happening?

"That shelf's wonky." OK - is that a compliment?

What type of activity are you engaging in if you're snogging.

If someone tells you that you're "talking rubbish, mate," what do they mean?

What on earth is a "gogglebox?"

How are you feeling if you're "knackered."

If a middle class mother boasts that her child has gone to "uni," where have they gone?

"You nicked that, didn't you?" they asked. How lovely. What does that mean, then?

What is someone giving you if they're giving you "dosh?"

You're "earwigging." What are you doing?

Someone called me a "nutter". Was that good?

Your brother is talking a load of old "codswallop." What is he talking?

If you're "skint," what's happening?

If you "know your onions," what do you know?

If someone is "all mouth and no trousers," what are they?

If something is "naff", what is it?

You "give a toss." What does that mean?

Someone's offered you "plonk". What is it, and should you accept it?

What would you buy at an "off-licence"?

What is a "numpty?"

If you've "lost the plot," what - exactly - have you done?

"You're well dodgy, mate." What are they saying?

What the heck are "bits and bobs" exactly?

My English friend said that they're "cheesed off". What the hell does that mean?

What might you be experiencing if you've got the "collywobbles?"

It's "gone Pete Tong." What's happened.

If you're having a "chinwag," what the heck are you doing?

Your Score: 0%

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